The Pursuit

bit by bit slash, exposed, drip...... dripping.. ......dripped eyes wide open. Watching            wanting, hating done.

If only I could......... If ever.... ........ What if I........ These statements do not need an explanation. But if you are someone who achieved most of what you desire and wished for in life, then it is most likely for you to stay just the way you are now and forget these. Well in my case, I often think what could I be if I made an alternate decision. What profession I am having now if only I knew more about the cruel things that happen in real world. What impression do people have in me if only I chose wisely in the past. All of those are now ifs/ what ifs that cannot be change. They're just part of the forgone opportunity of the past, cannot be altered, cannot be chosen and should be forgotten. It is easier said than done, right? This is due to the fact that people are meant to make decisions that seemed best for them not knowing that they do it impulsively and without much thinking. Another reason for this is considering the bandwagon, and 'follow as I say...

It was All Soul's Day. It was a day meant for remembering and praying for all loved ones who apparently left the earth for good. But on that very same day, my own soul left me. It was not good, it was very ill. It was as if nothing remained for me, my wholeness, my everything. I feel empty. I don't cry. I decided not to. But that doesn't me I'm not hurt. I think I feel envy circulating through my veins but I always claimed that I'm not. I did not complain nor blame anyone, especially God. I did not know where to start and how to face each following day knowing that I failed.         Yes. Indeed. I failed. But that doesn't mean I'm a failure myself.  I disappointed everyone, always and I am well aware of that. I know my shortcomings yet I'm wise enough to cover it with good(fake) deeds. And then I stumbled with reality, more of reality thrown a huge rock at me to wake me up. I decided to get up on my own feet and...

Individuals  thrive on their everyday lives. We work, we play, we study and do all sorts of things that would make use of precious times. For some point in time, we should not only live by the means that are already laid down on us. We should have a certain turning point to create something new, break the walls of what we believe is "usual and boring". We only live once so it's a must try to embrace change once in a while. This might work for some and may result to a good outcome. But, we might as well take risk for us to know the consequences of starting something new.